All about the life of a lifeless person

2011-11-12T23:40:00.001+08:00

will i be attending ur wedding next?

2011-10-28T01:10:00.000+08:00

It was as if we were back to those gd old times.

Was i ever in your considerations?

2010-06-19T17:26:00.002+08:00

you probably won't get to know how special you are.
already decided to bury everything underneath.
i can feel your happiness as you went on and on about her.
from how you met her again after graduation and how the r/s progresses.
it's really great being so "brother" with you eh.
i would say u really know me inside out.
you told me you really hope that i would find my Mr Right one day.
i know u meant it from the bottom of your heart. i really knew.
if you think it's good for me to give him a chance, fine. i will do it.
sounds a little silly but who knows maybe it might turn out to be something good?
you really took care of me like how a brother would.
greatly appreciate it. really. thanks for everything.

well, at least friends are for life, isn't it? ;)

2010-05-09T23:41:00.004+08:00

i know i should be studying during exam period.
but.. i just didnt know what am i wasting my time on..
probably feeling too stressed lately..
just feel like crying..
perhaps lin is right.
there's nth wrong in showing my weaker side..
but i just didnt like this kind of feeling.
i should be happy.

isnt it ironic?
planning to confide in u initially but ended up asking u some irrelevant qns instead.
i just didnt know why but smth is just holding me back.
it's kinda weird.
the r/s ended like 1yr ago.
i tot i recovered fully.
but the feeling just suddenly came back.
sighs. i just feel like sleeping..
who can listen to me?

2010-05-01T23:24:00.000+08:00

i think i shld just stop eating really.
zz.
frustrated!

2010-04-30T20:35:00.001+08:00

i shld have given up long long ago.
why am i still hoping for smth out of it..
=[

2010-04-29T12:24:00.002+08:00

seen pretty much of the ugly side of human ever since i started working.
it makes me feel that frens whom go through the growing up process with u are still the best.
they accept u for who u are, don't really take small little things to heart.
unlike some ppl at my workplace.
fking angry over one mouthful of mee siam.
oh well. she claimed that she's not angry. she just wanted to show me what is respect.
hello. respect. i think i'm better brought up than u.
at the very least i know how to respect my elders in the workplace lor.
i wont for no reason keep scolding mary (a senior staff at my workplace), pushing blames to her, and do stupid things to her. like suddenly putting a dirty plastic bag over her head. that's a very stupid, childish and disrespectful thing to do to someone who is old enough to be ur mum.
if u want ppl to respect u, then learn to respect others first.
i won't give in this time. well, why shld i? deliberately kept the mee siam in the fridge and wanting me to throw it away.. oh please. i've got no time to play small little games with you. i will kindly ignore it. what a bitch!

ok. i think i gotta go back to my books for now. forget abt work!

2010-04-17T23:04:00.000+08:00

people come and go..
i ought to be used to it..

2010-04-15T14:51:00.002+08:00

I had finally settled myself down.
More focused on studies and work.
First priority in my life right now is to get good grades.
I have to put in my best now because I'm left with less than 3weeks to exams.
Although it's rather stressful, I believe it will be all worthwhile.
Jiayou, qi!

2010-04-11T22:37:00.002+08:00

life sucks.

its as though i have got no time, no say in everything.
5th may will be my first paper.
and yet i think im still not ready for exams yet.
just wtf is this?
diet diet diet DIETTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

im so fking cautious abt my fking diet.
why im still so FAT
i realise it sucks being not able to munch on anything when i feel stress.
feel so much like crying.
my life seems as if it had been turned upside down.
wtf???????????????????????????????????????

2010-04-10T00:32:00.001+08:00

i still think sometimes it's better to be alone.
but yet, i hate to be alone.

wassup...

2010-04-01T22:24:00.002+08:00

just wats the real definition of frens????

nth can describe my pek chek-ness right now.

am i just used to it or did i just forget it??

who can give me an ans?

2010-03-30T22:29:00.004+08:00

sometimes ppl just ask qns tt puzzles me a lot.

a frequent qn from ppl whom i newly met and barely knows me (ever since i'm single):
"are you attached?"

so normally my response would be:
"nope."
(cos this is normally a qn which i feel there isnt a need to avoid)

and here comes the part that really puzzles me a lot:
"why aren't you?"

so, my standard ans will always be:
"is there a reason as to why i'm single?"

a fren whom i had just made today, replied something which i found it funny:
"cos of ur looks. u look as if u have a bf kind of gal."

How does someone who looks as if he/she is attached, looks like?

2010-03-25T00:02:00.002+08:00

the worst thing that can ever happen to one is not being able to satisfy your cravings.

and that's exactly what's happening to me right now.

help!

2010-03-20T23:28:00.002+08:00

in a blink of an eye, it's march 2010.
approaching april soon..
suddenly had a kind of oldie feeling.
gg 22 soon!

i still hope i won't grow old.
growing up is a kind of sucky feeling.
deteriorating health, added stress-level, added responsibilities.....
and loads more!!

life's like that..
for some reason, pple got tgt.
had fun tgt, stayed thru thick and thin tgt etc etc etc..
but one day, somehow u still have to lead ur own life..
u grew up, got busy with ur own stuffs,
got into relationships, lotsa ups and downs..
and eventually lesser time for ur frens and family.
is this the so called growing up process?

im not trying to get emotional here.
just pen-ing down my thoughts and feelings.

I can't really remember what happened when I was a baby. As far as I can remember, my childhood process started when I was in kindergarden. As a kid, I had short golden hair and brown eyes. Kindergarden and primary school life gave me quite an unpleasant childhood experience. Got bullied quite often back then. Didn't really like school. I remember when I was in kindergarden, I told my mum that I did not want to attend school. She threatened to remove my uniform in public if that was the case. I did it myself - WITHOUT her help. Thinking of it now, that was funny though. I had my own thinking ever since i was a kid!

I got myself a couple of close friends after I moved on to primary school life. The silliest thing I ever did in primary school was popping vitamin pills with my best friend back then and hoping to do better in exams! I admit that was really stupid. Haha! The teacher that I had very deep impression was Mrs Chan Lan Inn - a bloody fierce form teacher. I remembered lots of my classmates fear her a lot as she really hits people hard on the back and face. Damn bloody violent.

Went on to secondary school with a PSLE aggregate score of 207. I was so relieved I managed to get into express stream as my parents had high expectations of me. Secondary school life was the time that i enjoyed most. Though my mum was at her strictest back then, I still had time with friends I enjoyed spending time with. Well, people come and go. Mostly who stayed was people whom I know since secondary school. :)

Got through O level, got in 'Chemical Process Technology' course in Singapore Polytechnic. I was pretty close with 2 classmates during first year but after getting into different specialisation in the 2nd and 3rd year, we started to get distant and eventually stop contacting one another. And again, people come and go. That's the cruelty of life. New classmates came into my life once again. So far, Chloe is the only one that stayed. My definition of people whom stayed are those that I had constant contact with. Not those whom I met like less than 5times a year during gatherings or birthdays. I do had plenty of such friends though. Well, I guess poly life was the start of a young adult life? Got into my first relationship back then, when I was 18. It lasted for about 2yrs 8months - until after my graduation from polytechnic and was at the start of my working life. The road to recovery after the relationship ended was real tough. I was lucky I had friends who stood by me, and counselled me. It took me about 6 months to really got over everything. That was really the worst period of my life - I went drinking almost every week. I was so thankful I had these friends. If not I think would have sank into depression.

I hate this growing up process because people whom I treasure loads eventually got busy with their own stuffs and have lesser time for friends. But still, life does go on isn't it?

2010-03-04T23:08:00.000+08:00

hate myself for being so chubby.
hate myself for being so stressed up.
and not being able to stop snacking.

i wanna lose weight so muchhhhhhhhhhhh

2010-02-27T01:09:00.003+08:00

work has been rather demanding.
regardless whether it's colleagues or customers,
everyone seems to be having high expectations of me.

i think i seem to have put on weight.
help!!!

2010-02-18T19:56:00.003+08:00

treat it as a misjudge of character.
im just super blind.
just who can be trusted in this world?
i don't know.
whatever it is.
since i had already decided to let it go,
so what if it's all a lie right?
he had his own reason wat.
none of my business anyway.
i had more impt things on hand now.
rather than to be angry.

but i just feel super stupid.
for trusting someone so much.
at least this time round i did not trust him blindly.
he thinks he's clever but im not stupid either ok.
i just feel so sad for the frenship tt was built up over the months.
i dunno how i shld react.
maybe i shld just stay away for good.
sighs.

2010-02-07T18:50:00.002+08:00

does calling you during my free time necessarily means i have problems?
or that i'm feeling down?
i just feel like catching up with a fren tts all.
cos i feel the frenship is drifting apart..

it just makes me feel that ur impression of me is only someone who will turn to you whenever i have difficulties.
sighs.

2010-01-28T23:50:00.001+08:00

li hong is starting work at my branch next next mon.
which is like 8th feb.
sort of excited.
but at the same time having mixed feelings.
is this a gd or bad thing?
hmmm..

2010-01-24T00:00:00.001+08:00

screwed up.
wasted my time and energy.
thanks so much lor.

2010-01-17T00:29:00.001+08:00

13 more days.

countdown to a brand new me. =]

2010-01-04T13:39:00.002+08:00

been telling myself to start doing revision.
but i have been slacking all the way. -.-
i better start doing some revision before class today.

am i making the right choice by not responding at all?
ps the fault doesnt lie with u.
let me sort out my thinking before i decide to respond.
i would hope that everything will be back to normal.
but as if u would give a damn.

2010-01-03T17:06:00.003+08:00

chloe just gave me a reminder ystd.
although i cant promise myself anything, i will try.
try to wake up from this dream.
i know i will.
just like how i used to try and eventually succeed.

work and study - first priority for the next 3yrs.
i do not need an ans from u personally.
for ppl around me are already telling me so.
what i feel is exactly the same too.

gambatte!!!!!!!!!
will be back to work on tuesday.
january will definitely be a tough month for me.
huiling & kelvin will not be around anymore to help me.
wish me luck then.

2010-01-01T16:54:00.002+08:00

it feels good to be living and in the pink of health.
decided that i would work hard and finish my studies.

tuesday night was really a nightmare.
was feeling damn hot all over.
till the extent that my muscle, eyes and head aches.
terrible kind of feeling.
was so afraid that i would just faint and nv to wake up again.
luckily i din and managed to survive =]

new yr resolution:
-health above everything.

2009-12-28T20:32:00.002+08:00

by the time i realised it, it's too late.
already reached the point of no return.
been telling myself tt it's not gonna happened.
and it WONT happened.
but aft what happened,
an outsider actually told me how i actually felt.
maybe outsider sees it clearer.
i guess tts it. =[

2009-12-20T21:18:00.003+08:00

who says buying someone a gift is necessarily wanting to get smth back too?
it's just a token of appreciation for a fren.
to me, it's just a form of saying thank you to my fren.
fine. since u do not want anyone to show u appreciation then so be it.
it helps save my pocket from burning a big big hole.

2009-12-17T23:56:00.003+08:00

finished my branch xmas dinner.
received 7 xmas presents.
im gonna be so busy this weekend shopping for presents.
my boss told me smth:
"cherish ur frens and family when they are around...
I had ever experienced talking to someone today and the following day,
he's met with a car accident and passed away..
So take this festive season to let ur closed ones feel loved."
this had made quite an impact on me.

came out with a list of pple whom i will shop for this weekend:
- jean, jac, huiling, kelvin, chloe and probably a lil smth for everyone in the branch
- huilin, ange, nix, guanming, randy, jiang and a lil smth for those who turned up

gonna be so headache on what to buy. -.-

2009-12-16T02:03:00.002+08:00

the feeling hasnt been coming back to me of late.
until tonight.
probably cos im too free.
haven't been to work for the past 2days.
clearing leave.
too much free time probably.
that's the problem with me.
when i have got too much of a time to spare,
i tend to drift far far away from reality.
wats happening to me?

i hope u are feeling better as time pasts by.
please don't find it difficult to forget me.
for im just someone who doesn't deserve ur love and attention.
i know it will take u some time to get everything off ur mind.
afterall it's a 2yrs 8mths kind of thing.
i really hope u can find someone who will cherish u.
becos u are a really nice guy.
may everything goes well for u.
im really sorry.

2009-12-15T13:50:00.002+08:00

Life has been busy for me recently.
but i must say i have been taking the chance to have fun too,
and taking time off to slack, rest.
my time revolves pretty much around class and work.
two more months of lectures,
five more months to exams.
and up till this point in time,
i must say i haven't got any serious than how i behave now.

just what do i want in life?
get a degree and a $3k-paid job?
is that what people just pursue in life?
i will be 24 by the time i graduated from UOL.
time to think deep into this topic.

2009-12-09T00:34:00.003+08:00

workload has been rather heavy of late.
im slowly taking over the full workload of a CSO.
sighs. been very very busy.
at least im glad that there's smth i can focus on.
learning how to do my best in my everyday work.
learning to cope with my studies as well.
im more motivated in studying now at least.
=]

2009-12-05T23:42:00.002+08:00

lin, jun, ange, lut, alvin and i watched the curious case of benjamin button!
at cine chamber.
till 3 am.
reached home at past 4am.
slept at 5am.
woke up at 10.30am.
went for a jog.
feels so gd to sweat it all out.

shopping with nix in the aftn!
and mahjong at lin's hse aft tt.

tts all my programs for today.
feel so free and easy. ;)

2009-11-27T21:00:00.002+08:00

after about a month of light meals,
i think my stomach can no longer take heavy meals.
it really took me hrs to digest those food.
had dinner at MOF with min hui last night.
ate at about 7pm.
and i really feel damn full all the way till 2am.
its really a sucky kind of feeling.
and dad cooked lunch this afternoon.
ate at 2pm and up till now it's 9pm.
and im feeling full full full.
is this normal? zz.

2009-11-25T22:05:00.002+08:00

was feeling so much better than a cpl of mths ago.
concentrating on studies, and becoming prettier!
by losing some weight =]
lost only about 2kg in 3weeks.
kinda disappointing though.
was aiming for 5kg in a mth.
cut down on noodles and rice.
and on fast food and fried food.
increase my intake of fruits and veggies.
less pimples, smaller stomach.
started doing situps and going for a jog.
one bad habit that i can't kick yet - drinking -_-
i'm still as playful as ever!
and i think it's gonna continue for quite some time.

wishlist:
1. slim down
2. become prettier
3. find an event related job
4. be happier!

=]]]]

2009-11-22T22:39:00.003+08:00

well, UOB d&d was not really enjoyable.
the food sucks.
and the ceiling leaks.
it was pouring heavily.
we were damn irritated by the leakage.
but the programs are still ok.
all the customer service managers put up a show.
and there was this beer competition.
i came in first in the first rd but forth in the 2nd rd.
cos i was dreaming when the incharge says start!
so wasted haha. but ah bom won in the end.

BUT the night was made enjoyable by chilling out!
met guan ming, zhan jiang, randy, karen & junxuan at fabulous!
and this wk's chilling out session was even more daring than last wk.
true or dare.
true - lots of very very very personal qns asked.
dare - lots of daring and weird actions.
e.g. karen and i kissed each other on the lips -.-
randy and zhan jiang shouted "i love u" to each other and kissed each other on the lips.
i took a photo with a stranger guy -_-

it was really hell loads of fun till 3am!
and we cab down to bishan.
the night continues with some chatting session.
and i was home at 7am -.-
feeling real tired..

omg can i pls dun be so playful?

2009-11-17T00:16:00.003+08:00

went drinking on sat night.
we ordered 2 bottles of chivas.
as usual, got dead drunk towards the end.
hug him in cab and cried omg.
it's the most "throw face" incident ever.
both of them actually sent me home.
and he sent me up.
ended up sitting on the staircase finding my keys.
failed to find it.
he got no choice but to bring me down again and got into cab.
-.-..
ended up at his hse. -_-
i was too drunk to even walk straight and he had to carry me into his room (just in case i knocked into some stuffs and woke his family up i think.)

all i rmb was getting a shock when i woke up at 6am LOL.
a totally strange environment, surrounding.
saw him sleeping on the floor and recalled he actually brought me home -.-
went to use the washroom and its so difficult to open the door
and damn bloody scared tt i will be locked inside HAHA.
was intending to leave his hse quietly aft using the washroom.
but bloody hell.
i cant find my bag. and in the end woke him up.
he asked me to stay and rest for a while more.
well, was thinking might as well rest a while more since first train on a sunday isnt tt early.
so, ended up exploring his room and looking at school magazines!
and started suan-ing each other abt how we look during sec school. hahaha.

but somehow fell aslp in the end.
and woke up at ard 8.15am.
got another shocked cos i rmbed i was supposed to go home before his parents are up.
too late. his mum is already awake.
no choice.
act blur and said "hello auntie. im gg home. sorry to trouble u"
LOL.
it was a damn bloody no face kind of thing -.-.
got drunk and stayed over at a guy's hse. wtf.
wat makes it worse is tt..
when his dad came into his room in the morning
and commented "wah ur room reeks of alcohol smell."
he actually pointed at me (who is sleeping so soundly)!!!
ARGHHHH totally baddd badd baddd impression.
thanks man.

2009-11-12T22:01:00.003+08:00

=====================================

i just realised dennis actually knows nixon's cousin.
for a moment, i was excited.
but then again, i recalled.
things were not the same as before.
so what has it got to do with me?

sighs. i need time to adapt.

=====================================

2009-11-12T00:15:00.003+08:00

met up with nixon this afternoon.
he passed me my pressie.
it was a bracelet from mintmark&co.

the feeling before meetup was full of anxiety.
i was wondering how i will react when we meet.
and there's this 100times kind of reluctant feeling.
din really know wat to say when i met him.
just act as normal as i can.
i felt so much like crying aft we parted.
though im very sure all had ended and tt i had moved on,
im still a lil upset tt its all over.
afterall it's 2.5yrs.

eventually, i got my answer.

2009-11-10T01:41:00.002+08:00

sometimes i do get reminded afterall.
is this just human nature?
it just makes me wonder though.
are u asking me out as a fren?
or are u hoping tt there will still be smth between us?

im so unsure of my own inner feelings.
i had the urge of asking u out suddenly.
cos im curious abt wat my reaction will be upon seeing u.
i just wanna find an ans for myself.

troubled.

2009-11-02T23:02:00.001+08:00

IF, to him,
I'm just someone who is super duper normal,
why should I even bother letting him be someone special,
to ME?

2009-11-01T13:36:00.002+08:00

i was just wondering..
when will i ever forget everything and focus?

2009-10-19T23:21:00.000+08:00

am i coping with it well?
one says i am, the other says not really.
well, i dunno too.

2009-10-14T01:33:00.002+08:00

and do human have to cry when they're in pain?

i wish all these would come to a stop soon.

felt relieved at the same time.

as finally there's someone who understands.

and it happens to be an unfamiliar fren yrs back.

does fate have to arrange things this way?

sad to say, he's the one who brought memories back to me too.

i think my eyes are filled with too much water.

and the water flows out so easily.

hopefully i will get better...

2009-10-13T02:03:00.001+08:00

He is right.

I'm currently at my prime and shld enjoy.

=]

slowly recovering.

thanks a lot.

2009-10-10T01:17:00.001+08:00

i had better wake up from all these.
or it will be the end of me.

2009-10-08T01:55:00.002+08:00

well, i felt damn lucky now.
Though i lost a gd bf due to my playfulness,
i still have my bunch of crazy frens!

this yr 21st bday was one tt i felt really loved by ppl ard me!
dad bought me the cake and camera.
dad and mum each gave me $60 angbao.
that total up to $120.
which help in paying for the chalet and buffet.
bro helps me in lil stuffs like renting of mahjong table etc.

my sec sch dudes organise a small program during chalet!
hitting of the pinata! haha. was so fun - with all the sweets dropping out.
i thought that's quite a fun present from them.
but it wasn't the end!
they bought me an ipod nano too!
thanks all!
oh yah aug and guan are both included. haha.

simply love ya peeps! <3 =]

2009-10-03T01:14:00.002+08:00

HAPPY 21ST BITRTHDAY TO MYSELF!!!!!!

Well, getting old.
When am i getting married?
my mum is hurrying me to get married. LOL!

stay happy and pretty always!! ooppss...
=]

2009-09-29T00:49:00.003+08:00

seeing other girls..
pretty and skinny..
how i wish i can be like them..
well, so tempted to take up the 3 mths weight management program.
but on the other hand,
wondering if it really works.
tend to think the negative side..
what if it doesnt work?
hmmm....

and so tempted to see a skincare specialist..
to help improve my complexion..
hmmmm...
all these cost money!
but how ex it might be,
as long as i can become prettier..
i wont mind..

hmmmmm...

2009-09-26T18:48:00.002+08:00

they're just so disgusting.
i think they ought to look up the dictionary
and find out the meaning of shameless.

i just dunno what makes me join them yrs back.
bunch of fuckers.

all a mistake right from the start.
__

2009-09-10T22:00:00.001+08:00

i can feel the feeling getting stronger..

help.........

2009-09-10T00:04:00.000+08:00

finally.

i gave up.

i had been trying so hard to forget.

admit that i wanted him back sooo badly.

BUT regret is an useless emotion.

2009-09-06T20:16:00.000+08:00

been so so so busy with work recently that i got no time to think about anything on weekdays.
but weekend has been free.
so im trying hard to fill my weekend with programs.

starting from next week:
mon - wed: work like crazy. class aft work.
thus: work like crazy. probably a 12hrs thing.
fri: try to party after work. whahaaa.
sat: tries to end work before 1.30pm. class till 5pm.
sun: still an empty slot but will try to fill it up with a jap class.

oh yeah. will be taking up driving lessons.
maybe i can slot it on sunday.
busy schedule ahead.
perhaps this is really a gd thing for me.

three cheers to myself! hoho.

2009-08-30T12:30:00.001+08:00

i wannna make myself disappear.

--------------------------------------------------

2009-08-30T00:49:00.003+08:00

i'm just so very insignificant.
regardless to who it may be.

the pain is so deep inside tt im unable to cry it out loud.
wat should i do to help ease this pain of mine?

really feeling very very down.

2009-08-25T20:07:00.000+08:00

clubbing tml.

pubbing on friday.

hate this lifestyle of mine.

but how can i enjoy life alone?

so used to having someone ard me.

2009-08-24T23:06:00.000+08:00

the day i stopped drinking will be the day i let go of everything.

when will tt day ever come?

------------------------------------------------

2009-08-24T22:16:00.000+08:00

just how am i feeling after 2 months?

no idea.

2009-08-23T18:22:00.000+08:00

gone without sleep for a day.
own personal record man.
midnight mahjong with the siao kias on fri night.
played till 6am and won $7. haha.
washed up at jy hse.
left for work at about 7am.

luckily i didn't have to count much cash during work.
just greeting of customers.
been a walking zombie for that 8am - 12.30pm.
i just went on and on even when customers said they didn't want to apply for PIB.
the results of not sleeping for a night.
went to walk around at tiong bahru with huiling aft work.
grumbling about everything and everything to her.
and shes complaining of cos. whahaha.
realise i will tend to grumble a lot when i have insufficient slp!
this will be the very last time.

ok finally met up with anders and grp at 3.30pm.
bought drinks and were on the way to the chalet.
we played 2 games against north bridge and won!
but i think they were complaining about the unfairness.
whatever.

ok boss keep insisting tt all of us drink.
drank 2 glasses of red wine.
huiling drank 1 glass of red wine and a lil of beer.
she hit boss aft tt!! LOL!!
guess shes already drunk and tears keep rolling down her cheeks.
just like me when im drunk eh. lol.
cant tahan aft the consumption of red wine.
gina gave me a ride to bishan mrt.
reached home at 11pm.
but i din slp! i audi aft bathing.
cos my old hdd came back!!!!
and finally wanted to faint at 1am.

so fainted on my bed.
and woke up at 6pm.
cool. seems like a waste of time.
this will be the very last time.

2009-08-20T12:44:00.000+08:00

been selected to take up a post at UOB call centre.
just wondering why am i the one.
since they said they require someone who is competent,
they should have selected kelvin or hui ling.
for i think i arent competent enough.
i admit i'm seriously lacking in self-confidence.

save me.

2009-08-17T20:41:00.000+08:00

wishing to shed some 10kg or so.
but i love food too.
any ideas how?

2009-08-12T14:16:00.000+08:00

finally i get a day away from work.
how long can u withstand with PIB and I-account everyday?
especially when u are a meeter greeter.
u are expected to bring in customers for both PIB & I-account.
Damn it.

I had a dream last night.
i dreamt that i went with him to genting again.
was happy shopping with him in genting when we met his colleague.
his colleague commented "eh u all patch up already?"
i replied no. just a holiday in genting..
then i woke up to find myself lying on my comfy bed.
it's just a dream!
i admit i still miss him aft 2months.
but seriously better than before.

lots of difficulties encountered lately.
as usual, mood does improve after talking cock. hahaha.

2009-08-11T19:37:00.000+08:00

I'm 50% better.
This is from the bottom of my heart.
I can feel it deep down. =)
Well, doing crazy things do make me feel much better.

However, life is not always about having fun.
Time to be serious and get down to work!
Looking forward to starting class.

where's my results?

2009-08-10T18:32:00.000+08:00

Yeah man.
Doing crazy things nowadays.
Having fun weekends!

As of this week:
1. Friday - Xian Long's 21st birthday party
I think i was so damn hyper at the party.
I started the singing of birthday song with a "1,2,3"
whahaha. and help distribute the cups of alcohol!
and talk a lot of crap till the extent ttange tot i was drunk.
i din even drink in the first place. -_-

2. Saturday - pubbing at fabulous!
with chloe, hao quan, randy, zhan jiang & randy's fren.
played card game. the alcohol finished quite fast with the ongoing game.
was as fun as usual.

3. Sunday - aug bday celebration, family dinner, midnight mahjong!
cos of having a late night on sat, i woke up at 2pm.
met up with lin and aug at amk hub. was 1 hr late. damn. haha.
after that they went for a spin around changi area and i went to have dinner with my family.
costs me $81.80. but the food was nice and they like it. so, overall it was worth it.
daddy sent me to j8 to meet up with lin and aug aft tt.
and we went for mahjong session at jy hse.
lin and aug left at ard 1am though.
randy, jiang, jy and i went for supper at thomson and continue aft tt.
the 4 of us were so damn stupid.
i think around 4am our brain can't really function well.
keep doing stupid things. whahaha.
was really fun and keep laughing like nobody's business.

4. monday - slacking at home
was really tired aft a night of mahjong.
slept like nobody's business also.
a bit wasted though. not much activity done today.

2009-07-31T00:54:00.000+08:00

i'm 40% recovering..

getting better..

my mind is made up..

2009-07-27T22:19:00.000+08:00

24/10/06 ~ 21/06/09

i'm 1% better each day.
therefore, i'm 36% recovering..
by the time the figure reaches 100,
i hope i will be fully recovered. =)

thanks ange for the help.
but giving my blog add to him will not help at all.
deep inside i do hope tt we can have a fresh start.
but i still think he deserves someone better.
someone who can really loves him wholeheartedly.
and who sincerely wants to settle down with him.
i know i had let go of a nice guy..
someone whom is willing to fetch me no matter how tired he is and how late it is.
someone whom is once "forever" there for me.
someone whom is willing to give in to me.
someone whom is so willing to spend all his time with me.
and most important of all,
someone whom loves me so much.
come to think of it,
all of his actions really do prove it all.
why do i only realise it now?

doesnt really matter.
i had chosen to have fun alone.
this is fair to him afterall.
even if he ever tries to win me back,
i wont give the green light.
there will still be a crack on the glass even after piecing it back.

2009-07-26T23:50:00.000+08:00

im gonna love myself more than anyone else.
i will put myself on the first priority.

everything seems to be going back to normal.
things are getting better by the day. =)
i seem more able to let go of everything.
be it nannyberry or rambutan.
im able to let go and just heck care.

=)

3 cheers for me!

2009-07-25T00:06:00.003+08:00

well i just reached home.
this is really crap man.
i've got to work tml man.
gotta report at 8am.

met up with gavin, hao, hong for dinner.
went to a pub name 1819 at chinatown.
gavin din join us as he had a date with his fren.
so the 3 of us went ahead.
choo lie and rui xiang joint us at a later time.
i sang at 1819 and super out of tune.
damn xia suey.
but whatever. no one will recognise me. hahaha.

as usual la. got myself drunk and kept crying.
but im sober now. seriously.
kept drinking plain water.
im alright now. just tt my head keep spinning.

they really do understand me.
they know i missed him.
i shldn't be thinking too much.
it's all over.
no point thinking so much now...
i can only wish him all the best.
i admit tt he treats me the best.
however i have to bear in mind tt it's all over.

i will get over it....

2009-07-23T19:16:00.004+08:00

met chun xia for dinner last night. well, her treat cos she got her bonus! (though i got it too. haha!)

having dinner with her really does reminds me of nixon.
memories kept flashing past my mind.
i'm super reminded of those time we spent together really.
I tried real hard to fight back my tears. this is for real. it's really hard.

Actually i'm not reminded of him until she started talking about him.
She met him for dinner on monday and heard tt we had actually broken off.
She was damn surprised and keep asking me why. I din know why too.
I asked her how nixon is doing...
is he ok? how's his work? and stuffs like that..
glad to know that he's actually fine and is starting work at IR soon.
really wish him all the best.
and he's also asking chun xia abt me too.. =[

oh yah. i found out from chun xia that he doesnt have any gal in mind actually.
i still tot there is such a person's existence. haha. tts so silly.

i told lin i started to miss those times we spent together.
she suggested i contact him first.
and we chatted on msn last night.
he's still as chatty as ever.
one inner qn: "will u ever try to win me back again?? just like what u used to do?"

i'm still wondering why i gave u up for the sake of having fun...

2009-07-21T01:03:00.002+08:00

was it a dream or reality?
was i left to fend for myself tt night?
all memories are just in bits and pieces.
i cant really rmb tt clearly.

anyone close enought to lend a listening ear?

2009-07-19T19:06:00.002+08:00

life had somewhat resume back to normal for me.
at least i stop crying for the slightest things.
thanks to anders.
for I knew I just have not found ways to express myself.

last night was chaotic.
i got so drunk until i can't rmb what i did.
my memories stopped at the card game.
and the rest was in bits and pieces.
all i knew was i kept hugging guan ming and can't stop crying.
my mind was full of memories of the past 2yrs+ r/s.
i don't know why. and i kept crying.
it just seems that i gave him up for the sake of having fun myself.

and what really happened before tt i dun have any recollection.
only rmbed rui xiang kept asking me qns
and i asked randy whether my ans is correct or not.
so it's as gd as rui xiang asking randy instead. LOL.
i dun even rmb giving rui xiang my number.
totally cannot make it.

and then the next thing i rmbed.
taking a walk with randy and rui xiang outside.
i can't even walk straight.
and they had to hold my hands.
left and right.

worst night ever.

2009-07-15T20:30:00.002+08:00

so much frustrations lately.

1. work
2. relationships

it's actually enough to kill me after adding them up.
Nannyberry, rambutan, banna and strawberry!
just what am i thinking?
i truly getting tired of all these crap.
and i had managed to find a little calmness back in me.

2009-07-12T03:59:00.001+08:00

it's not my prob.

why should i even fucking care???

2009-07-09T21:46:00.002+08:00

"I love you"
"So afraid of losing you..."
"I don't wanna lose you..."

All these words are just haunting me.
And it all seems like a nightmare.
2weeks right after this r/s ended.
u've got a "new" target.
well,
at least it helps to ease the guilt i'm feeling.

But I can't help thinking of the happy times we spent tgt.
MS food court.... (before the start of this r/s)
Vivo Ben & Jerry....
Movies at THE CATHAY...
Arcade and shopping at Plaza Singapura...
East Coast Park... (the place where this r/s started)
We used to have breakfast tgt at SP before you report to work....
You used to fetch me up after work on weekends...
and supper after that...
We used to quarrel over small little things...
Come to think of it...
You're always there for me...
why did i only realise that aft the r/s ended?

im so reminded of us everywhere i went.
what am I supposed to do?

2009-07-07T20:02:00.002+08:00

haha.
it's so ironic.

i wondered wat his facebook status is referring to.
is it what i'm thinking of?
even if it is, it's already none of my business.
it's all over 2weeks ago.
i chose not to think i had regretted my own decision.
afterall i had thought it over for so long.
i just can't help but think.
if it is what i'm thinking of,
i guess his love for me wasn't really strong to begin with.
what crap was that?
i guess our r/s wasn't really strong to start with.
everything was just not right to begin with.
what i can say: "it's all a mistake right from the start"

anders is right.
I haven't found another way to express myself yet.
that is why i chose crying as a way to express myself.
i didnt cry this time round.
i chose to pen it all down.
indeed i felt stronger.
or was it because i knew it's all over?
i'm not sure too.

bgr is really crappy.
fuckk. what is all these about?
to think i actually felt guilty after initiating the breakup.
why should i be????????
he found new love faster than i do.
shouldn't he be initiating the breakup first instead?
reading past chat logs...... all CRAP!

2009-07-05T23:24:00.001+08:00

finally broke down after holding it back for whole day.
feel so painful.

---------------------------------------

2009-07-05T19:01:00.004+08:00

new life.
new challenges.
ended the relationship.
got my confirmation.
redesignated as a customer service officer.

lots of changes in the past 1 or 2 months.
trying to get used to it.
no more him to give in to the unreasonable me.
no more being ignorant.
no more slacking during work.

tried to enjoy life alone.
tried to learn everything under the sun.
tried to work hard.

2years+ of being in a relationship.
not used to enjoying life alone.
but still,
i feel i made the right choice.
for both him and me.
hope u look forward to your "new" life.

as wat guan ming said.
met the right person at the wrong timing.
i'm so sorry.

so not looking forward to everything.
help.

-----------------------------------

starting to feel the kind of emptiness inside me.
seems as if not much true friends around.

always tried to be there for them.
at least this is wat i think i feel.
when im really down
no one seems to be there for me.
it's ok.
probably cos i seldom talk to them about it.
dun really know too.
anyway glad that lin and ange r/s are gg well.

2009-06-20T02:21:00.002+08:00

As usual, work has been stressful.
Especially when you had a siao kia as colleague.
Who is so bloody SENSITIVE about everything.
Damn abnormal.

Hmmm..
Had dessert at MOF tonight with ling and jean.
That guy actually gave us a 30% discount!!!
Which is like a lot.
And we din actually notice it until we got out of there.
I was like asking how much to pay per pax.
Ling said $10/pax.
I was like "HUH!? SO CHEAP MEH?"
Cos I remembered my dessert alone cost $8.80 on the menu.
And we din actually thank him!
Ling and Jean was fooling around and I was on the phone.
Maybe next time when he come to the bank to make a deposit.

Program for the week:
20th: mugging UOB notes at home, chilling out at night.
21st: Father's Day and dad's birthday celebration!!!!!
23rd: trip to PSB to confirm enrollment!!
24th: branch's june & july babies celebration
probably KTV for one of the weekdays with ling!

seriously need to destress.
=)

2009-06-16T00:47:00.003+08:00

Really.
So sick of those recent happenings.
I'm really tired. I need a break seriously.
The stress that I'm facing at work..
Anders actually said that it's good that I feel the stress.
Cause' at least it meant that I cared.
Well, this is the positive side.
I can't really handle stress well actually.
All I did is to put up a strong front. Whatever.

Life is full of problems.
I wish I can actually sleep forever, never having to wake up..

But well,
all these targets are to be met:
- getting at least a compliment from customers
- try submitting a piece of work for BE @ UOB
- starting to motivate myself and hopefully it does help to motivate my colleagues as well
- clear as much filing as I can daily

omg. so much to be done.
feeling the stress as I list the to-do-list
zzzzzzzzz

2009-06-14T17:11:00.002+08:00

Life has been really BORED.
Am I missing him or what?
I really don't know.
Gosh.
I aren't really looking forward to having fun.
What's happening?

Pubbing on Friday is also bloody bored.
With hong, hao, choo lie and crystal.
Choo lie and Crystal left early.
Only me, hong and hao stayed till 2am.
Plus 2 other unknown friends.
I'm really getting more and more dissatisfied with life.

People around me seems to be so busy with r/s.
Lin: can't live w/o jun - as usual.
Ange: don't know what she's up to recently =x
and everyone seems busy.
I can't believe I actually stayed home this sat & sun.
That explains why I'm totally bored.
and Sharon is so busy with work.
ARGHHHHHHHHHHHHH
BOREDDDDDDD

and I fucking hate work.
all the bullshits I'm getting is really testing my patience.
all the bloody commentss.
Oh my.
Why can't you people just shut up and get on with your own work?

2009-06-13T18:39:00.002+08:00

Life at work has been stressful - as usual.
Seriously, I don't know what seems to be wrong with the backroom side (mainly officers).
Officer A has got a really big mouth and likes to pass hurtful comments which make us, as subordinate, feels unwelcomed in the office.
Officer B is in a foul mood and seems to be taking it out on us.
Basically, besides boss right - there's only 3 officers sitting in the backroom office.
sighs.
Hurtful comments passed by you guys really ruined our day.

I'm not sure about my colleagues.
I just feel comments like "I don't understand how you people work. Can't you people just do your job properly?" (or something similar to this) is really very discouraging.
To me, it seems like you are looking down on us as tellers?
Though I admit you are really capable at work, I still feel there's no need to actually look down on other people.
"Aiyah, 小妹妹每次做错东西的啦。像昨天的 case 我等一下还要打给 customer follow up."
Hhhmmm...
Yeah. I'm being looked down upon.
BUT there's no need to pass this comment right in front of me.
Who actually taught me to be humble?
Why is it that you are not practising what you preach?

Whatever it is.
I missed out getting customer's signature on transaction voucher again yesterday.
He threw my voucher to me.
Though he apologised, I still feel really pissed.
Is there really a need to do so?
Seems like teacher and student eh?

WHATEVERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

2009-06-12T00:36:00.002+08:00

work has been rather stress these cpl of weeks.
and guess it still will be for the rest of the weeks man.
i have been trying my best to learn whatever i can.
to absorb whatever i can.
everyone had been trying to teach me too.
especially greatful to the CSOs.

well,
i wonder what brought abt the chng in officer though.
suddenly passed such comments.
"aiyah xmm every make mistakes. like ystd tt case,
later still must call customer to follow up."
come on lor. i seek ur advice before deciding.
yet this is what i get.
forget it.
lotsa pple got it from officer today.
i guess for that $1k+ we need to go thru this.
whatever it is.
i will just give it my best shot!

2009-06-06T00:24:00.003+08:00

maybe this has always been what i am.
the kind of take it one step at a time.
they called it "zhou yi bu suan yi bu"
but i realise once i stepped out into the workforce,
i have to start changing.
i have to show i'm real committed (which i do not really know how to)
i have to show i'm really prepared to learn.
i have to show i have the capability and potential to do well.
i have to show this and that. it's really this and that.
i have never been so stress in my life before.
not even during the time when im taking my "o" level.

had a one-to-one talk with boss.
i'm not sure whether things are as bad as i think.
i really dunno.
as she's new to the branch, she gathered feedback from officers.
she said that it's not really negative feedbacks.
it's just that there is still a lot of room for improvement.
to me it really seems like negative feedback seriously.
as long as it's not positive, it's negative!
this is really discouraging...
"i'm giving u permission to learn account opening with the CSOs"
this is what she told me.
so today i was like running both high and low counters.
seriously it sucks.
it's like u're really feeling sucky deep inside yet you have to show
that you actually have a damn blardy positive attitude.
tell me how to package myself. TELL me!

but i'm really thankful for my colleague's encouragement:
- Hui Ling: thanks for willing to be my main teacher for this one week. you are really patient with me. i know u're real busy but u still bother to spend time explaining the work process to me!

- Anders: thanks for encouraging and motivating me by showing ur "high" attitude. hahaha. really appreciate it man. ur advices are always straight to the point and are real useful! and the most scary thing about u: you knew what i'm thinking! eerie isn't it?

- Jac: thanks for being so encouraging when i'm feeling real down after the one-to-one talk this morning. and for offering me my breakfast!

- Jean: thanks for jioing me out after work. it kinda helps.

- Siew Lan: thanks for reminding me every now and then on what i'm supposed to do! though u really might get naggy at times... bwahahaha..

well, also thanks to the rest of you who played excellent teamwork!

sometimes when i'm really feel down and wanted to give up, i have to admit u guys really play an important role. ur jokes and company really made my day. this is also one of the reasons why i rejected MOE and chose to stay in UOB. since i had already chosen to stay in UOB, i swear i will work hard to achieve my goal.

i'm given a week's time to prove myself.
time to get to work.. =)

2009-06-04T23:15:00.002+08:00

few things that's on my shopping list:

heels
bag
pretty dresses
ipod touch

and i wanna do soft rebonding..

2009-06-03T01:13:00.002+08:00

well, work have been rather okay this couple of months.
colleagues made my time rather easy to past.
their craps and jokes are really crazy. hahaha.
and i guess i had already blend in with them.
its really fun to be making fun of one another.
just that i have to be more careful in my area of work.
i hope i dun make anymore stupid mistakes.
i'm trying to concentrate more and open my eyes bigger to look at cheques!
cos i seem to either overlook on the dates or signatures.
i admit it's rather irritating for the officers to keep calling up customers and asking them to come back to the branch to do amendments.
sorry! i will work harder on this area! i promise! =.=

i hope i will be moving on to the role of customer service officer soon.
it's been like 11months now.
and those that's in the same batch as me is already doing ac opening.
when will it be my turn? sighs.
maybe i'm just not gd enough. i dunno.

r/s have not been smooth sailing though.
i hope he does understand that life still carries on even w/o me.
i know he's reluctant to end it.
and im not really sure of myself too.
i hope everything will blow over soon.
i've been telling myself to let go..
just let go and let nature takes its course..
im washing my hands off..
as wat hong said, he shld be out since he won't be in the picture.
yeah.
wont be in the picture and never will..

2009-05-24T23:12:00.000+08:00

oh shit.

im really loving this gentle side of him.

please. stop!

2009-05-20T21:28:00.002+08:00

oh yeah!!! new washing machine delivered today!
guess wat. it costs $499.
+$30 delivery charge + $85 extended warranty.
so there's a 5yrs warranty!
its a bit exaggerating though.
Cos i think by the time 5yrs later there will be new technology.
and by the way, it comes with some silver ions thingy..
which will help prevent mould from surfacing on my clothes!
i was quite amazed by it actually.
(shows tt the last time i bought washing machine was damn long ago!)

so i was happily standing in the kitchen testing it out.
my dad came back and ask me qns as per usual.
but he didnt realise the new washing machine!
until suddenly he said "wah new washing machine!!"
"how much ah?"
"$600"
"why dun buy cheaper ones? wat brand?"
LOL! and hes getting all excited about it.

and aft tt he said
"I wanna buy new fridge!"
"I like the one i saw with mummy last sunday! it costs $1399"
"aiyah so cheap! I want smth more ex!!"
so my best fren a.k.a bro showed him a brochure.
and he came across one tt costs $2399 and with LCD tv as give-away.
"WAH this one got FREE LCD tv leh!! buy this la!!"

hahaha. so damn cute.
im so in love with this kinda feeling.
this kinda "warmth family" feeling.
Where on earth can u find this kind of feeling?

=)

2009-04-19T02:34:00.002+08:00

having late nights again.
went to have dinner at clementi at ramen ten.
the food wasn't very fantastic but still edible.
after that went to city hall.
met up with ah lian at around 9.30pm.
we walked around citylink and raffles city area.
anders was so so late.
in the end he gave us directions to odeon towers.
that place wasn't air-conditioned.
and the weather was bloody hot!
can't really stand it especially ah lian. hahaha.
we ordered beer. din really like it though.
so anders downed it all when he arrived.
the forfeit for arriving late! hoho.

we decided to move on aft he downed the beer.
wanted to go to a pub nearby but it's fully booked.
ended up at mac instead!
chatted till 1am and headed home.

2009-04-11T21:18:00.003+08:00

time for some happy postings!!!
went prawning ystd.
with Hui Ling, Anders, Sharon and Joey (Sharon's fren)
We had so much fun omg.
Especially when Sharon and Joey went for fish spa.
They missed out the joke created by the 3 of us!!
Especially Anders! hahaha.
He actually fell while trying to sit on a chair!!
This is the stupid side of him that we rarely will see.
It was really classic though.
and even till today Hui Ling and I still can't stop luffing abt it.
even Anders laughed at himself.
Sharon and joey din really prawn much.
but Sharon was really cute.
She actually passed the rod to Anders when she caught a prawn.
and ran away after that.
hahaha.

Dinner was at chomp chomp. It was on Anders.
Hui Ling din join us though.
She had a date with her bf.
We actually waited almost half an hr for seats!
But it was all worthwhile.
the food was really nice.
we actually ate till about 10 and Sharon sent us home.
FUN DAY!!!!!!!!!!

-------------------------------------------------------

2009-04-11T21:03:00.002+08:00

Currently feeling damn moody..
I hate this kind of feeling..
I wonder why human does have feelings.
Aren't feeling really well too. Damn it.
I admit everytime I had some fun out with him,
I will tend to give him the cold shoulder..
Everytime when my mind is made up,
it seems that somehow or rather,
my thinking and feelings will go back to how it was before..
I know everything is impossible
but can anyone teach me how to curb feelings?
He has his own life and I had my own..
I dun wish for anything to happen seriously.
I pary for everything to be alright.

2009-04-06T22:37:00.003+08:00

what happens when ur true self is treated with stupidity?
when u truly wanna befren tt person but is treated as joke?

ah. what am I saying?
i admitted it was my fault in the first place.
but that was meant as an april fool's joke in the first place.
WHATEVER. freaking pissed off.
forget it. in no more mood to chat anymore. fuk.

2009-04-05T19:20:00.004+08:00

I'm having a long weekend this week.
But i'm just rotting myself at home.
Perhaps i'm still not used to life this way.
Whatever.

I'm attending an interview at Ahmad Ibrahim Sec on tuesday!
What if I really got the job as an allied educator?
Am I really gonna quit my job at UOB as an AO?
I'm not really sure of what I want in life..
This question had been weighing on my mind since 14yrs old.
I remembered the time when I had to choose my streaming subjects for Sec 3.
I didn't know what I want at that time and so I just anyhow choose and got into the 3rd class of Express classes, taking Science(Phy/Chem), accounting, Food & Nutrition, Humanities(SS/Geog).

And so I went through Sec 3 and 4 just like that.
Not knowing what I want and accepting whatever that comes along.
Finally it was the day when we collected O levels results.
Well, my result was average - able to study in a Junior College.
So what's next - polytechnic or junior college?
I still didn't know what i want then..
Friends and relatives were giving advices..
My bestie, Adele actually wanted us to go to college together.
I know with her around, I will surely make it for A levels.
But there is still this fear in me - what if I can't pass my A levels?
At that point of time, my parents were also saying that I will be wasting my time if I flunk my A levels. Polytechnic will be a better choice.

And so this is why I had chosen to study in a polytechnic.
But still, the same problem persisted.
What do I want to do in future? Which course should I take?
I remembered my mum advicing me to take up business course.
I didn't want to as I thought it was a common course.
So biomedical science ended up as my first choice and so on...
The day where the course results were released..
And guess wat?
My 7th choice - Chemical Process Techonology, ended up as my final course.
I didn't want to do anything to change the fact.
Why? Cos I didn't know exactly what I want!
I accept whatever that comes along.

Sigh. Until today, the same problem still persists.
But Anders is really right about one thing.
Hold a steady job first to makes sure you don't have to worry for 3 meals.
Then you start thinking about what you really want in life.

I don't wanna think anymore.
Shall see...

2009-04-04T01:50:00.002+08:00

Life is really full of decision making.
Ironically, I'm all along indecisive.
But anyway, I managed to apply for half day leave this coming tuesday.
If I did manage to pass the interview, I will have to make a decision AGAIN.
Associate Officer with UOB or Allied educator with MOE?

Sigh. Enough of these things.
Well, went to bugis with lin and aug this evening.
We ate at MOF, where aug complain of stomachache halfway through shopping.
We actually went to explore the new shopping centre at bugis!
Nothing interesting there yet as most of the shops are still not ready.
Then we proceed to shop at bugis street. It was actually lin's suggestion.
Aug and I were actually complaining about the temperature there!
Especially aug as he was really sweating. NO MORE BUGIS STREET PLEASE!

The night ended with rock fever 5 at arcade!
And lin's joke made our night too.
Aug drove us home and can you guys believe it?
We really spent about half an hour finding CTE!!!
From Bugis, we went to city hall.
Then Chinatown.
And finally Tiong Bahru.
Aug: OH I FINALLY FOUND THE CTE AT TIONG BAHRU!!!!
He made it sounds as if only the road at tiong bahru leads to CTE.

When we reached bishan, lin actually gave the wrong direction to aug!
And we ended up gg to MacRitchie!!!! HAHAHA.
It's really not easy for aug to find a U-turn.
And then, when we finally reached a traffic light,
Lin: TURN RIGHT TURN RIGHT!!!
Qi: Yeah I think turn right too..
Aug: *BLUR* But... turn right is dead end liao leh!!!

AND ALL of US started laughing like hell!! LOL

and in the end finally reached lin's hse.
That was really hilarious though.
What a night.

WORK just pissed me off really.

2009-02-09T01:05:00.002+08:00

Well, as wat I named tonight's topic..
Work really pissed me off these few days.

some pple is back from leave.
and i have this feeling of being left out.
just dunno why the hell is this so.
shes a damn attention seeker. hate it.
shes so damn close to the guy.

someone helped to buy breakfast for me.
there she goes:
EH why jiaqi has i DUN HAVE!!
wakao, this really pissed me off too.

theres this guy in my workplace.
well, i admit he is quite capable in terms of work related issue.
but i feel he still has got no rights to judge pple.
there he goes:
CAI BU YAO AH ZHE ZHONG REN.
BA TA DIU XIA HAI HAI FANG SHA YU LOR.
damn you. what rights have you got to judge pple.
no wonder up till now u are still SINGLE & AVAILABLE.
u really fucking DESERVE it.

and i got scolded for writing a wrong date.
i just fucking dunno wats so serious abt it.
there he goes:
08 nian? ni yi wei qu nian de shi ah?
NEXT TIME THINK CAREFULLY BEFORE U WRITE ANYTHING.
FUCK U seriously.
IM SO DAMN PISSED.
sry if im too vulgar. lols.
DAMN PISSEDDDDDDDDDDDD OMG
i still tot we can be frens.
well i doubt so.
STAY AWAY AS FAR AS POSSIBLE.

2009-01-29T00:24:00.000+08:00

my heart says "stop deceiving urself."

what am i supposed to do?

nothing but a dream

2009-01-25T01:58:00.002+08:00

i hope all these are just my dream.
and i will wake up soon.
the guy doesnt exist,
the bitch doesnt exist too.
and im still leading my life happily.

really cant believe the guy's taste is this bad.
like someone who is damn attitude.
tsk tsk.
how sad.

i am still wondering whether the rumours are true or not.
can't help but kept thinking.
any ans to it? i just wonder..

i guess this time my sixth sense is wrong again.. :(

2009-01-16T01:09:00.002+08:00

went lunch with 2 colleagues today.
though we lunched tgt.
somehow i feel it's still quite stranger-liked.
well, colleagues can nv be as close as sch frens.
this is one pt that i have been convincing myself.
i tried getting close to them but to no avail.
i had tried my best.
perhaps some things are just meant to be.
i even tot of quitting my job.
but wat comes next after quitting?
childcare? NIE?
or just any job tt comes along?
i need a degree.
i wanna go back to the bank as an SO.
so shld i quit? i wonder..

i hope i arent having any feelings for him..
have been trying hard not to though..
still struggling..

2008-12-25T15:40:00.002+08:00

i knew i had already made a promise to myself.
but i just cant help it.
oh god. let this be the last time please.
let this be the last time i will be looking at the pics.
from now on i shall move on with my life.
let everything be back to square one please.
i can do it. i know i can.
it's better to be loved than love someone.
let everything be only related to work. please..
i had to learn to accept things and not avoid.
i had only been thinking of ways to avoid..
by quitting and studying full time uni.
i've got to face it.
i will try my best to cherish and treat him better. ;)

it will be the last time.
just not fated to be.

2008-12-22T01:01:00.002+08:00

well. it's 1am.
here i am infront of the com, having my glass of milk.
i have made a promise to myself.

why shld i be so kind to everyone.
not anymore from now onwards.
why shld i take things so hard?
not anymore from now on..
why shld i feel bad when being left out?
not anymore from now on..
wats the big deal with being alone?
it's just work anyway.
even if we are close, it's just high bye frens.
i still prefer hanging out with my poly and sec frens.

those pple at the workplace are just so fake.
i heard them saying bad of other pple.
but still ok in front of them.
im so damn turned off.
it's like what the hell.

well, this monday will be a fresh start for me!
colleagues will always be colleagues.
no more than that.
workplace is just a place full of fake peeps.
i just cant help but be turned off.
TOTAL turn off.

i shant be vexed anymore.
i had made a decision..
;)

2008-12-21T01:48:00.002+08:00

current mood: extremely uncomfortable.

have i been thinking too much recently?
i just cant stop myself from thinking..
loads of stuffs on my mind..
mostly are work-related.

damn it.
have i always been taking things too hard?
i simply wish i can take things easy.
well, i believe i do enjoy wat im doing right now.
but..
environment does play a big role too..
or is it cos the problem lies with me?
i feel im being treated as invisible..
colleagues seem to pretend they cant see me when we ran into each other..
and walk separately when heading towards the same direction..
i admit im extremely sensitive on this.
but i do wish to be close to them.
i just dun understand why i cant blend in.
simply have this "left out" feeling.
of cos it does not feel good! :(

and please. i dun wanna give my heart out to someone again.
perhaps this is good for me on the other hand?
i dunno how am i going to walk thru monday's dinner in branch.
dun wanna feel left out again..
real vexed..

2008-12-11T22:38:00.003+08:00

had planned to watch dvd until midnight before sleeping.
but it seems that my body is telling me to sleep soon.
shall go to bed after venting it all out!! :D

today is not really a smooth sailing day.
things do cropped up here and there.
luckily there is someone there to help.
i had always been hoping tt someone will always
be there to help me willingly..
will this wish ever come true?
guess it's not really possible in a workplace.

been feeling really vexed recently.
not really in the mood to shop for xmas gifts.
but no choice. i had to get those gifts rdy
before xmas! gift exchange is on next next mon!
damn it. haven really shopped for a gift yet.

oh yah back to why i have been vexed recently.
been having weird feelings lately..
din really know why.
im trying real hard to suppress this feeling..
but sometimes it's just hard to control my feelings.
just wanna put this feeling aside..
..and lead my life as per normal

lesson learnt:
your colleagues will always be your colleagues..
your superior will always be your superior..
no more than that..

hoping that all these are just a dream..
i will wake up soon..