i knew i had already made a promise to myself.
but i just cant help it.
oh god. let this be the last time please.
let this be the last time i will be looking at the pics.
from now on i shall move on with my life.
let everything be back to square one please.
i can do it. i know i can.
it's better to be loved than love someone.
let everything be only related to work. please..
i had to learn to accept things and not avoid.
i had only been thinking of ways to avoid..
by quitting and studying full time uni.
i've got to face it.
i will try my best to cherish and treat him better. ;)

it will be the last time.
just not fated to be.

well. it's 1am.
here i am infront of the com, having my glass of milk.
i have made a promise to myself.

why shld i be so kind to everyone.
not anymore from now onwards.
why shld i take things so hard?
not anymore from now on..
why shld i feel bad when being left out?
not anymore from now on..
wats the big deal with being alone?
it's just work anyway.
even if we are close, it's just high bye frens.
i still prefer hanging out with my poly and sec frens.

those pple at the workplace are just so fake.
i heard them saying bad of other pple.
but still ok in front of them.
im so damn turned off.
it's like what the hell.

well, this monday will be a fresh start for me!
colleagues will always be colleagues.
no more than that.
workplace is just a place full of fake peeps.
i just cant help but be turned off.
TOTAL turn off.

i shant be vexed anymore.
i had made a decision..
;)

current mood: extremely uncomfortable.

have i been thinking too much recently?
i just cant stop myself from thinking..
loads of stuffs on my mind..
mostly are work-related.

damn it.
have i always been taking things too hard?
i simply wish i can take things easy.
well, i believe i do enjoy wat im doing right now.
but..
environment does play a big role too..
or is it cos the problem lies with me?
i feel im being treated as invisible..
colleagues seem to pretend they cant see me when we ran into each other..
and walk separately when heading towards the same direction..
i admit im extremely sensitive on this.
but i do wish to be close to them.
i just dun understand why i cant blend in.
simply have this "left out" feeling.
of cos it does not feel good! :(

and please. i dun wanna give my heart out to someone again.
perhaps this is good for me on the other hand?
i dunno how am i going to walk thru monday's dinner in branch.
dun wanna feel left out again..
real vexed..

had planned to watch dvd until midnight before sleeping.
but it seems that my body is telling me to sleep soon.
shall go to bed after venting it all out!! :D

today is not really a smooth sailing day.
things do cropped up here and there.
luckily there is someone there to help.
i had always been hoping tt someone will always
be there to help me willingly..
will this wish ever come true?
guess it's not really possible in a workplace.

been feeling really vexed recently.
not really in the mood to shop for xmas gifts.
but no choice. i had to get those gifts rdy
before xmas! gift exchange is on next next mon!
damn it. haven really shopped for a gift yet.

oh yah back to why i have been vexed recently.
been having weird feelings lately..
din really know why.
im trying real hard to suppress this feeling..
but sometimes it's just hard to control my feelings.
just wanna put this feeling aside..
..and lead my life as per normal


lesson learnt:
your colleagues will always be your colleagues..
your superior will always be your superior..
no more than that..




hoping that all these are just a dream..
i will wake up soon..

seriously i cant take it anymore.

difficult customers,
idiotic colleagues,
inflexible situations.

what shld i do?

go to work in such an "ok" mood.
but return home in such a lousy mood.

why had my life changed for the
worse ever since graduation?

zzz

stressful.
i don't want it to lead to depression.
not worth it.
trying to take things easy.

and finally.
i've got time to sort things out.
they are both out of my sight for these few days.
but deep down in my heart
i haven't got an answer yet.
and i doubt i WILL have an answer.
in a loss.
but ultimately,
the decision tt will be good for everyone:
let him go and lead my life as per normal.
well, easier said than done.
how do u let go of a person,
whom u are facing everyday,
whom u will be talking to everyday?

can anyone give me solutions? :(