Friday, July 31, 2009
i'm 40% recovering..
getting better..
my mind is made up..
Monday, July 27, 2009
24/10/06 ~ 21/06/09
i'm 1% better each day.
therefore, i'm 36% recovering..
by the time the figure reaches 100,
i hope i will be fully recovered. =)
thanks ange for the help.
but giving my blog add to him will not help at all.
deep inside i do hope tt we can have a fresh start.
but i still think he deserves someone better.
someone who can really loves him wholeheartedly.
and who sincerely wants to settle down with him.
i know i had let go of a nice guy..
someone whom is willing to fetch me no matter how tired he is and how late it is.
someone whom is once "forever" there for me.
someone whom is willing to give in to me.
someone whom is so willing to spend all his time with me.
and most important of all,
someone whom loves me so much.
come to think of it,
all of his actions really do prove it all.
why do i only realise it now?
doesnt really matter.
i had chosen to have fun alone.
this is fair to him afterall.
even if he ever tries to win me back,
i wont give the green light.
there will still be a crack on the glass even after piecing it back.
Sunday, July 26, 2009
im gonna love myself more than anyone else.
i will put myself on the first priority.
everything seems to be going back to normal.
things are getting better by the day. =)
i seem more able to let go of everything.
be it nannyberry or rambutan.
im able to let go and just heck care.
=)
3 cheers for me!
Saturday, July 25, 2009
well i just reached home.
this is really crap man.
i've got to work tml man.
gotta report at 8am.
met up with gavin, hao, hong for dinner.
went to a pub name 1819 at chinatown.
gavin din join us as he had a date with his fren.
so the 3 of us went ahead.
choo lie and rui xiang joint us at a later time.
i sang at 1819 and super out of tune.
damn xia suey.
but whatever. no one will recognise me. hahaha.
as usual la. got myself drunk and kept crying.
but im sober now. seriously.
kept drinking plain water.
im alright now. just tt my head keep spinning.
they really do understand me.
they know i missed him.
i shldn't be thinking too much.
it's all over.
no point thinking so much now...
i can only wish him all the best.
i admit tt he treats me the best.
however i have to bear in mind tt it's all over.
i will get over it....
Thursday, July 23, 2009
met chun xia for dinner last night. well, her treat cos she got her bonus! (though i got it too. haha!)
having dinner with her really does reminds me of nixon.
memories kept flashing past my mind.
i'm super reminded of those time we spent together really.
I tried real hard to fight back my tears. this is for real. it's really hard.
Actually i'm not reminded of him until she started talking about him.
She met him for dinner on monday and heard tt we had actually broken off.
She was damn surprised and keep asking me why. I din know why too.
I asked her how nixon is doing...
is he ok? how's his work? and stuffs like that..
glad to know that he's actually fine and is starting work at IR soon.
really wish him all the best.
and he's also asking chun xia abt me too.. =[
oh yah. i found out from chun xia that he doesnt have any gal in mind actually.
i still tot there is such a person's existence. haha. tts so silly.
i told lin i started to miss those times we spent together.
she suggested i contact him first.
and we chatted on msn last night.
he's still as chatty as ever.
one inner qn: "will u ever try to win me back again?? just like what u used to do?"
i'm still wondering why i gave u up for the sake of having fun...
Tuesday, July 21, 2009
was it a dream or reality?
was i left to fend for myself tt night?
all memories are just in bits and pieces.
i cant really rmb tt clearly.
anyone close enought to lend a listening ear?
Sunday, July 19, 2009
life had somewhat resume back to normal for me.
at least i stop crying for the slightest things.
thanks to anders.
for I knew I just have not found ways to express myself.
last night was chaotic.
i got so drunk until i can't rmb what i did.
my memories stopped at the card game.
and the rest was in bits and pieces.
all i knew was i kept hugging guan ming and can't stop crying.
my mind was full of memories of the past 2yrs+ r/s.
i don't know why. and i kept crying.
it just seems that i gave him up for the sake of having fun myself.
and what really happened before tt i dun have any recollection.
only rmbed rui xiang kept asking me qns
and i asked randy whether my ans is correct or not.
so it's as gd as rui xiang asking randy instead. LOL.
i dun even rmb giving rui xiang my number.
totally cannot make it.
and then the next thing i rmbed.
taking a walk with randy and rui xiang outside.
i can't even walk straight.
and they had to hold my hands.
left and right.
worst night ever.
Wednesday, July 15, 2009
so much frustrations lately.
1. work
2. relationships
it's actually enough to kill me after adding them up.
Nannyberry, rambutan, banna and strawberry!
just what am i thinking?
i truly getting tired of all these crap.
and i had managed to find a little calmness back in me.
Sunday, July 12, 2009
it's not my prob.
why should i even fucking care???
Thursday, July 9, 2009
"I love you"
"So afraid of losing you..."
"I don't wanna lose you..."
All these words are just haunting me.
And it all seems like a nightmare.
2weeks right after this r/s ended.
u've got a "new" target.
well,
at least it helps to ease the guilt i'm feeling.
But I can't help thinking of the happy times we spent tgt.
MS food court.... (before the start of this r/s)
Vivo Ben & Jerry....
Movies at THE CATHAY...
Arcade and shopping at Plaza Singapura...
East Coast Park... (the place where this r/s started)
We used to have breakfast tgt at SP before you report to work....
You used to fetch me up after work on weekends...
and supper after that...
We used to quarrel over small little things...
Come to think of it...
You're always there for me...
why did i only realise that aft the r/s ended?
im so reminded of us everywhere i went.
what am I supposed to do?
Tuesday, July 7, 2009
haha.
it's so ironic.
i wondered wat his facebook status is referring to.
is it what i'm thinking of?
even if it is, it's already none of my business.
it's all over 2weeks ago.
i chose not to think i had regretted my own decision.
afterall i had thought it over for so long.
i just can't help but think.
if it is what i'm thinking of,
i guess his love for me wasn't really strong to begin with.
what crap was that?
i guess our r/s wasn't really strong to start with.
everything was just not right to begin with.
what i can say: "it's all a mistake right from the start"
anders is right.
I haven't found another way to express myself yet.
that is why i chose crying as a way to express myself.
i didnt cry this time round.
i chose to pen it all down.
indeed i felt stronger.
or was it because i knew it's all over?
i'm not sure too.
bgr is really crappy.
fuckk. what is all these about?
to think i actually felt guilty after initiating the breakup.
why should i be????????
he found new love faster than i do.
shouldn't he be initiating the breakup first instead?
reading past chat logs...... all CRAP!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
finally broke down after holding it back for whole day.
feel so painful.
---------------------------------------
new life.
new challenges.
ended the relationship.
got my confirmation.
redesignated as a customer service officer.
lots of changes in the past 1 or 2 months.
trying to get used to it.
no more him to give in to the unreasonable me.
no more being ignorant.
no more slacking during work.
tried to enjoy life alone.
tried to learn everything under the sun.
tried to work hard.
2years+ of being in a relationship.
not used to enjoying life alone.
but still,
i feel i made the right choice.
for both him and me.
hope u look forward to your "new" life.
as wat guan ming said.
met the right person at the wrong timing.
i'm so sorry.
so not looking forward to everything.
help.
-----------------------------------
starting to feel the kind of emptiness inside me.
seems as if not much true friends around.
always tried to be there for them.
at least this is wat i think i feel.
when im really down
no one seems to be there for me.
it's ok.
probably cos i seldom talk to them about it.
dun really know too.
anyway glad that lin and ange r/s are gg well.
